Not Okay
by darksapphire-flame
Summary: Your entire body wants to scream out that no, you aren’t okay. You haven’t been okay in a while. There has to be something wrong with you. There is no way you can possibly feel so strongly about him. Max/Alec


Disclaimer: Dark angel does not belong to me.

**Not Okay**

You suck in a breath as his fingers trace the marks on your wrist. A shiver runs down your spine at the feather light touch. You hope he doesn't notice your reaction, but the chance of that is slim to none. Even if he does notice he doesn't mention it, which is odd because normally he would take every chance he had to tease you. You think that it's not fair. You shouldn't be feeling this way about him; it's not safe. He's not safe. You have tried everything to stay away from him, to stop these ludicrous emotions but they won't go away. The more you deny them, the harder it is to suppress them. You try to convince yourself that you already have someone you love that you don't need him.

The person you love is safe, dependable, loving and honest, everything you could ever ask for but somehow there is something missing. It might be the fact that this person isn't him, could never be him. This person could never compare to his expressive hazel-green eyes and nonchalant smirk that hides something darker, something painful that he would never let anyone see. You can't help but feel a little traitorous and guilty at the thought. This isn't the first time you have done this, comparing the person you love to him. There is nothing to compare, you tell yourself. You hate him, you really do. He is nothing but a selfish prick who just happened to comfort you, lent you a shoulder to cry on, held you tight and let you feel safe in his arms. For once nothing could harm you. You felt protected, not that you need protecting, mind you. After all the time you bitched at him, blamed him for everything and fought with him, he still comforted you.

He had no right, you think, to burst into your life like that and ruin your already screwed up relationship. Who gave him permission to waltz in and make it seem like he had always been there? Sometimes you wonder what your life would have been like if you hadn't saved his life in exchange for losing the cure. Would you have your happily ever after? Maybe, maybe not. If you hadn't saved him at least you would be able to touch your prince charming without killing him. You wonder, who's really the selfish prick here? Ever since he entered your world, your life has spiralled into another level of confusion and mixed feelings.

You don't know yourself anymore and that scares you. What scares you even more are the emotions that he stirs up inside you. He makes you feel so much love, hate, longing, guilt and passion and you don't know what to do with them. Even if you wanted to do something about them you can't because he has made it perfectly clear that he wants no part in ruining your relationship with your prince charming. You can't help but feel hurt by his flat out refusal to have a pretend relationship with you although you are glad that he didn't blow your cover. It's not his fault and you're the one to blame this time. You had no right to use him as a scapegoat so that you could leave your boyfriend. You wish things were simpler, different. God, you just wish that he would----------

"Maxie," his voice interrupts your musings, bright eyes staring at you with amusement.

"What?" You snap at him, you don't mean to but it's so much easier than showing your real feelings.

"Is there a particular reason why you're eyeing me up like I'm a piece of meat? Hell, Max, if you wanted me all you had to do was say so." He says impishly, his full red lips curving up into a grin.

"Shut up, you idiot." You glare at him, slapping the side of his head. He lets out a sound of pain. You can't believe he caught you staring at him, you aren't this careless but somehow around him you can't pretend, you can't hide. You can feel his heated gaze on you, the thought of him watching you with hooded hazel eyes warms up your skin and you hope that the blush doesn't show.

"Seriously, Maxie, You okay?" He asks you, taking your clenched hand and unfolding it. You hadn't even realised that you were clenching them, there are angry red marks on your palm. He traces the snake shaped mark on your palm, traces the half-moon marks and just holds your hand, his warmth spreading through your entire body. It's a wonder that such a simple action could feel so intimate. After not being able to touch someone like this for so long you have forgotten how comforting and wonderful it really is. The reason why it feels so marvellous is because it's him who is holding your hand, it's him who is concerned about you and it's him who is touching you. You feel like you can't breathe.

"Hey, I asked if you were okay." He is glancing at you with a concerned look in his eyes. Your entire body wants to scream out that no, you aren't okay. You haven't been okay in a while. There has to be something wrong with you. There is no way you can possibly feel so strongly about him. There is no way that he can make you heart beat so fast but he does. There is something building up inside of you, all these emotions, they are like a volcano waiting to erupt. No, you are definitely not okay.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay."

The End

A/N: I'm pretty sure you guys can guess who the characters are and I hope that you enjoyed the story. It was my first attempt at a dark angel story and I tired to keep the characters in character. Please review and constructive criticism is always welcome.


End file.
